Monday, July 1, 2013

Wondering how something like this could happen....

I sit here on my couch in total disbelief, great sorrow and thinking that I should be waking up from this nightmare. I can't eat and it feels like the elements that make up my body are shaking. Sleep eludes me and anything that I eat makes me feel sick. I  have cried more in the past 2 days than I have in a lifetime.

Friday evening my mother and father had my sisters over for dinner in their home in Iceland where they all ate a beautiful dinner together and laughed and talked. The weather was wonderful and at 11pm when my sisters said goodbye to my mother and father they were smiling and waving and marveling at all the trees they had planted on their property in Iceland. My mother had been complaining about an ache under her shoulder blade and up the side of her neck but not anything that really worried anyone.

At 2am my mother has a fatal heart attack in her home and my father tried his best to revive her until help came but even with help there was no bringing her back. My mother was gone. Taken too soon at only 68 years of age and way too quickly. I get the call about her having had a heart attack before they knew if she was really gone or not. They were still working on trying to bring her back for over an hour. It was honestly the longest 30 minutes that I have waited. That time where you still hold the hope that maybe, just maybe everything will just be fine but you know that your life will change forever if they are not OK:

That night I lost my mamma. I lost the greatest woman that I have ever known in my whole life. I lost the role model that showed me what it was to be a woman, a wife and a mother.

Now here I am in Tulsa trying to make it home. Wanting to bring my family of 5 with me but it costing over $7000 US dollars if I do. My passport is also expired and my 9 month old doesn't even have a passport. As I try to make the decision to put my family in such financial hardship to use up ALL of the money we have put aside for an emergency to pay for our mortgage and food if needed and start putting charges on our credit cards and take the whole family or have only me and the 9 month old go and leave my poor 3 and 5 year old with my husband's parents for over 2 weeks. That is a VERY long time for a 3 year old that recently became the middle child and needs his mamma. My heart is aching over this.

 As this all happened on at the beginning of the weekend I have not been able to talk to anybody about my passport issue or try to find out if there is a way to get get reduced tickets because of the circumstances. At the moment I could use a fairy god mother since neither me or my husband come from family that have money. We support ourselves and are our back up so we have to be careful about keeping a roof over our heads and our children fed.

Wish me luck in trying to make these decisions and get my passport issue taken care of. Of course if you have more money than you need and would like to donate to the fund. I would not say no at this point.

10 comments:

  1. ♥ I realize words can offer little in the way of comfort at this time, but know that you & your family are in my thoughts.

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  2. Oh, no. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} I'm so sorry. :( I know you can sometimes get tickets at a bereavement rate. Try calling airlines directly, or contact AAA. They may require proof, mind, like an obituary or death certificate. You might also call the nearest Icelandic consulate for assistance. I'll take a guess and say it's probably in Houston.

    I'm in Broken Arrow and not really up to much. I've got to get the cat to and from the vet on Tuesday for dental work, but otherwise, if you need anything, LMK. I'm Seward on Rav, or my email is ward dot se at gmail. No spare money, alas, but I can cook and help tidy, and kids tend to like me.

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother and I hope you find a way to bring the whole family. If nothing else, you probably need their love and support at this time.

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss. Remember that your mother will not know if you are there or not, and if she does know she would know why, the funeral isnt for her, it's for the friends and family to grieve and say goodbye. If you feel that the stress of going overweighs the need of it then stay and dont guilt yourself, however if you feel that you couldnt live without a "proper" goodbye then go and dont guilt yourself about the money.

    I dont know if you are religious, if you are then may God give you patience and guidance through this difficult trial, if you arent then I am again very sorry for your loss and hope you can find comfort in the rest of your beautiful family.

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  5. I'm so sorry. I hope that everything is all right, but you look like you're in a position to make some tough decisions. If you have a death certificate, airlines do give you discounted rates. When my grandmother died I got one and all I had to do was show the certificate on my flight back.

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  6. I know how you feel, I recently lost my father. May God give you strength and wisdom in making your decisions.

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  7. I am so sorry about your loss. I hope through this time of sorrow you find peace. Know that with your tough decision of traveling there is no right or wrong answer.

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  8. do what is right for you and your family. your Dad and sisters will understand.
    sorry can't even cover what I feel for you. I have been reading for months but never commenting just lurking. I know from experience how hard it is to raise little ones when you don't live close to your family. my heart aches with your loss.
    I almost lost my husband last year. but fortunately we decided to go to the doctor over what he thought were flu symptoms. the doctor sent him to the hospital and it took 3 days for them to figure out what was going on and then he had a triple bypass. we often talk about how lucky we were 1 1/2 yrs ago.

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  9. Sending you all my love, Olöf.

    -LRami

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  10. My sincere condolences on the lost of your Mom. I realize how quickly it can happen. It was with my both my Mom & Dad. Be good to yourself right now and take the time that is needed.

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